Duh......

As the new year approaches, the fog is thinning out. Cindy made a reference to the ol' glass half full routine, and it seems that we were looking at the real estate mess as a half empty glass. Upon further analysis, it seems that the sub prime mess is an opportunity for us, not an impediment to our desire to buy a house and get married in it this coming year. If you look at it, next year may be a great year to get into a house for two reasons: prices are low and have probably bottomed out, and interest rates continue to fall. We should be able to buy a lot more for our money than we could have just a couple years ago. And it is most likely that the home value will appreciate rather than continue to decline. The hard part, of course, is the selling. We are not going to take near the amount of cash out of selling our properties that we would like, but that seems to be a short term problem. In the long term, the benefits of buying low far outweigh the issue of selling low, if ya get my drift.

We are planning on going full steam ahead after the 1st of the year with preparations to put our properties on the market as soon as we are able. At least that's what we're saying now..........

Hey! Stop Being Such a Downer, Cindy!

Sorry folks, I've only been looking at the glass half empty. I've been looking at the world through the opposite of rose-tinted glasses. Gloomy glasses.
But life is good-life is wonderful. Screw the economy! Screw the real estate market! None of that has anything to do with the fact that I've found the love of my life. I've found the person with whom I shall spend the rest of my days. My pissing and moaning and boo-hooing is nothing but stupid self-pity and I've decided to apologize to all of you who had to read it.
I'm the luckiest gal in the world.
Thanks C2!

Okay, I actually feel more like this...

Yes. This is how I feel.

Big Hurdles to Jump, Mountains to Climb, Rivers to Swim...

That photo represents how I feel. I'm exhausted. Although I only have 3 more classes this semester and one paper to write before December 20, I still drop at the end of the day. And I'll be damned if I'm going to sell my house that I've put all my blood, sweat and tears in for the last few years at a loss and then pay a realtor thousands of dollars on top of that. So yes, we are in limbo.
It's painful because we want to live together and help each other through all this, but these circumstances require more creative solutions than what we are able to come up with now.
Ugh.

Ugly Reality

They say timing is everything, and believe me, it's true. Cindy and I met with a realtor a couple weeks ago to get a lay of the land as we prepare for selling our current residences in order to buy our new house together. All I can say is that 2008 isn't looking like it'll be the best of years to sell real estate. What was most upsetting was seeeing how much comparable housing prices have been dropping, and continue to do so. So we are now strugglling to come up with a Plan B. Could we both fit into her current house if we had to? What if I can't sell my condo? What about the wedding if we are high and dry with our properties? There are no obvious or easy answers.....

The photo is by Saul Leiter, an early master of color photography. It sums up the mood for me.

The Job Ahead

Yikes! It's been a while, hasn't it? The reason for a paucity of posts has been quite simply a paucity of wedding planning activity. Cindy and I have been putting our spare energies into figuring out our housing improvement palns. I'm the one who has it easy here. All I have to do later this winter is clean my cheesy condo up and put half of my belongings in storage. Then I should be ready to sell. Her place is a whole 'nother story. Much to our dismay, we found out a few weeks ago that the roof on her house is in need of replacement, not repair as we had hoped. Then the really fun fun starts: The Kitchen! This will be an almost complete room redo, including floors and ceiling. But, we have a plan and a budget, which makes it a wee bit less intimidating. From the kitchen we will then head to the foyer, and then to the upstairs bath for a bit of cosmetic work. I bet your eyes are glazing over as you read.......
With all this activity being directed towards selling our properties, we have begun to contemplate the WhatIfs. What if one of us sells and the other doesn't? What if neither sells? What if this whole housing meltdown melts down further? And so on.......
We're currently taking applications for Kitchen Repairers, so send us in your qualifications and we'll be happy to give you a tryout.......

Raise the Roof!

Not really-it's more like: buying a new roof. As we move closer towards consolidation of our lives, we are beginning to hit the home repair/upgrade project seriously.
Hey-I should also call this post: Absence makes the heart grow fonder. Because, truly, it seems like days and days between the times we get to see each other. And I miss you, C2!

So, how are things going?

Life is wonderful. I know we haven't posted because the eventual business of life kicked in hard as the summer ended. But life is good. I never get tired of seeing C2's face. I still get excited when I see him at the door and I still have the biggest crush on him.
We priced out a new roof and some kitchen niceties ( a new countertop, a new cupboard, flooring, etc.) in preparation for selling the house in the Spring. It's not like I have extra money for any of this, but these efforts are towards gaining some benefit in the house price.
And the kids started school this week-AND SO DO I!
Just one class to start, one about Gender and United States History, and then I'll move to more than one starting Winter quarter.
The holidays are coming, too! Whee.

Life is good

I'm so in love with C2. Just thought I'd share that with y'all.

The Obvious, yet Elusive, Choice

Now that we've decided to make it a home wedding (kind of like a home birth) I could smack myself in the head wondering why we hadn't thought of this before! It's so perfect-and considering my distaste for the whole wedding-as-commodity idea. Now I can stop being so afraid and resistant. I was really afraid that we'd be dragged, kicking and screaming, into a whole vortex of table linens and color schemes.
Now, peace and happiness reign.
Ahhh.

Plot twists

We've been checking out our options and mulling over what to do for our ceremony, now that the facts and figures have been trickling in. The more we have investigated booking a place and dealing with the details that come with that kind of a choice, the more impersonal and out of our control the ceremony has become. It's just uncomfortable putting yourself into so many other hands when you are trying to keep it as much about a personal celebration as possible. So, we are heading in a new direction, folks! Here's the broad outline:

First, we want to get our real estate situation settled. That means each of us selling our abodes and buying a house together.
Once we have that done, we will start planning the wedding ceremony in earnest.
Next, we have decided that we will have the ceremony at home, in our newly settled digs. This will be a more intimate affair than originally planned, with just close family and a few friends. Afterwards, we'll open up the place and have a party/reception for everyone we aren't able to fit into the house for the wedding itself.
Doing this way just feels right. Now, of course the downside is that setting a wedding date is in the hands of other forces for the time being. We are still hopeful to do this before summer is out next year. We are optimists at heart, eh?

We would love to hear from anybody what their thoughts on this arrangement are. So, cmon and drop your comments here!

Grief

It's almost a week since the bridge collapse, and most of the dust has settled, both physically and emotionally. My first response was "No, it can't happen here. This isn't real!" Then profound sadness, knowing it could be me, or Cindy or any close friends who live in town. Finally it's anger. Anger that a shortsighted, greedy political philosophy that has somehow infected an otherwise caring and compassionate culture could take hold. Anger that those who make the decisions feel it is better for them to take the easy expediant route (No New Taxes!) rather than understand that they are there to serve the people and do what is best for society as a whole. It's a result of the shift of social priorities over the last twenty years.

I'm off the soapbox now, feeling unbelievably sad........

Travelogue

We just returned from a whirlwind trip to NYC and have sufficiently recovered to talk about it. It was an incredible 3 days. Besides logging at least 30 miles (give or take 20) by foot and seeing the major items of interest (the Met, International Center for Photography, Strawberry Fields and Dakota, etc) we made it to the two galleries where I have photographs hanging. The opening at the Paula Barr chelsea gallery was a blast. My sister Cathy and her guy Nick stopped by, as my brother Mike's sister in law Sheila and her friend. Met a lot of nice people, and got a lot of compliments. This is a pic of us in front of Madison Sq Garden relaxing after a long day....

My best man

So here's a pic of me and my best man, my best friend, the godfather to my son and just all-around way cool guy...Bill Schlatter. And, oh yeah, this was taken by C2 in NYC last week!
: )

Here's a better pic.

I hate that picture. I look huge.

Come on, honey-you know how vain I am. I look like a puffer fish.

Turning Corners

Yes, indeed, it's been a week of Big Stuff. Cindy got her well deserved promotion, and in doing so beat out a crop of very top flight candidates. There is just no stopping this woman when she decides to do something. I am learning so much from her about the power of determination. I'm so proud of ya honey!

I had a very good meeting this week with a book editor in my effort to publish my landscape photos. There is much yet to be done, and we are far from any decisions being made. But it's nice to know that the project is striking a chord with the right people.

Oh, and this wedding thing we've been talking about.......
We are zeroing in on a facility that so far seems like everything we've been looking for. We are going to tour the place on Monday and try to get all of our answers questioned. If we like it, we will then be able to set an OFFICIAL DATE. That will be the first major hurdle of many, I'm sure. So stay tuned for further announcements!

I got it!

Whew. I got the job as Executive Secretary. Now the fun really begins...

Life is kinda rough right now.

I am so lucky to have the love and support of C2. It would be so difficult to keep on every day without him. The love and constant, unwavering support I get from him is very precious to me.
Thanks, honey.
I love ya.

I should start posting pics of my family and friends since it seems they're all reading this now.

The Price to Be A Princess

I found the following on one of my favorite all time sites: Feministing.com
You should check it out.


The price to be a princess.
Oh, how I hate these.

The title deceived me into thinking this piece is going to be a critique of the wedding industry, yet ended up being anything but.

Apparently in our “post-feminist” world, women aren’t giving up their identity by having a traditional wedding, but are in fact demonstrating their wealth and independence.

While I obviously agree with the contention that wedding culture is obsessed with consumerism, the article is saying that this somehow negates the belief that it’s a sexist industry. Rebecca Mead’s argues this in her book One Perfect Day: The Selling of the American Wedding.

Getting married used to mark the bride's transition from the parental home to the marital home; from adolescence to adulthood. But today, brides are no longer demure virgins in white lace quivering at the altar; rather, they are professional, self-supporting 30-somethings - more often than not masterminding the operation.
...this fairytale fantasy doesn't make a wedding anti-feminist, says Mead. On the contrary: ‘This is the moment where women can enact this Cinderella fantasy - but it is a safe enactment,’ says Mead, ‘You can look like a virgin princess, but no one expects you to be a virgin, and the next day you can go back to being your strong, liberated self.’ She argues that the modern wedding is not a repudiation of feminism, but partly a result of it.

But why would you want to look like a virgin princess? Shouldn't we be talking about why that's still appealing to people rather than welcoming it with open arms?

I’m not trying to knock on people who want to have a traditional wedding, wear the white dress and even spend a lot of money on it, but to not only downplay the history of a sexist ritual (the bride’s “transition” should actually be "ownership") but say feminism is partly behind the consumerist-driven wedding industry because women are now capable of being self-sufficient?? Please.

Let's also not forget that not all women make enough money (or have the "right" partner, for that matter) to afford the fairy tale wedding. All this looks like to me is an extravagant way of telling women that the more they spend on their weddings, the more empowered they are. Blegh.


Amen, sista.

Here's what makes me happy. Besides C2.

And by the way,

I am really frustrated here at work. AAARRRRGGGGHHHH. Okay, that's better. Life goes on.

I'm so proud of my guy.

C2 is so cool. He is finally being recognized as an important artist. 2 different galleries are showing his work in NYC, he's getting book interest, and he is a finalist for a substantial grant. It seems that the happier we become with our lives, the more we are blessed with good things.
And this is why I haven't done any work getting ready for the wedding. I'm too busy plotting his takeover of the art world.

photos

I've added a link to the links bar for a few photos from our trip out East for JoAnn and Justin's wedding. The images are on Flikr, so I think you can download and print them.

The Ugliest Dress!

JoAnn said...
Now that I've recently taken the plunge and lived to talk about it, I have three pieces of advice for your wedding: 1) Wear the most comfortable shoes you can find. 2) Ignore wedding magazines. They are glorified catalogs and only serve to sell you things. 3) Try on the ugliest dress in the store. It's the one you will end up buying. And make sure that store is not David's Bridal - they smell. Oh, and a fourth piece of advice: Have lots and lots of fun!

This is some great advice from JoAnn. Very savvy insights and I'm truly impressed. I agree wholeheartedly that David's Bridal smells and that wedding magazines are crap.
I might need a couple pairs of shoes to get me through that day and, as far as the dress goes, I just don't want to talk about it. I just can't even see it in my brain yet.

Traveling partners

Having just spent five days on the road (under a variety of conditions) with Cindy, I'm happy to report that we travel well together. The major tension on the trip was from my inability to read road signs as they whizzed by. I was so glad that she was there to help and comfort me in my hours of need, as my body dealt with the effects of a contaminated swordfish. It was all the little things that she did that let her love shine through. I am one lucky guy.

The wedding itself was great! We both loved the ceremony, which kept a nice balance between the formality of the ceremony and the spontanaity and looseness you have when with family and friends. The rabbi is a very close family friend of the bride and groom and that made the ceremony much more personal and intimate. So, however Cindy and I are going to work it out, it is important that the person who will marry us will be more than a passing aquaintance. We toyed with the idea of my sister's boyfriend doing the ceremony for us. He is a captain of a Staten Island ferry. The deal killer with that was that he would have to take the ferry 12 miles out to sea to make it official. It was a nice idea at the start, at least....

We are taking a good look this month at locations for the wedding, with the intent of having something picked out by July (call us naive). Part of doing that is going to be getting a handle on how many guests there will be at the ceremony. So we will have our hands full this month in trying to meet that objective. Then comes figuring out the reception location...

This weekend...

Poor C2 spent about 36 hours face down during our trip to JoAnn and Justin's wedding. We don't know if it was food poisoning from the dinner Saturday night but I'm betting against it because he was still feeling bad today and is on his way to the doctor this afternoon. Let's keep all our fingers crossed that he recovers.
And the wedding in MA was a beautiful mix of traditional and modern. And the part I liked the best was that the wedding cake was orange! Way to go, you crazy kids!

We're going on a trip!

I think this is the first time we will have 5 solid days together without a break. This should be interesting. We've gone up north but we've never traveled across state lines before together.
Stay tuned.

AARRGGHH

Okay, I know. I have a general idea about the wedding. Can't it just fall into place? Can't it just plan itself? When I think of being married to C2, it feels like a no-brainer. But an actual ceremony? Something that's supposed to sum up how I feel about that guy? Is that even possible?
Two things I know from the start:
1. I hate all those ugly wedding dresses.
2. I just want everyone to be happy.
Isn't that enough? Isn't there some wedding planning fairie that descends upon us and puts it all into place?

Mr. Best

This was an easy one. I could think of only one person who's been there for me through thick and thin for most of my adult life. He's been there when my previous marriage turned into bucket of rust and helped me and gave me the support to get through all of that. He was there in the good times, as we raised our young families and helped the kids understand the meaning of the word family. We brewed more than a couple batches of kick ass beer together. He was always there when it was time to move and do some heavy lifting. He helped me understand jazz, and I helped him with the history of rock and blues. So I was more than honored when he accepted my invitation to be my Best Man. A toast to Nick Zwack!

work to do.....

Time does slip away if you're not watching. As we get closer to our rendevoux with destiny, it becomes more and more apparent how much Stuff we gotta do. Each of us having full, busy lives does not make it any easier to put our priorities in order and act on them. The time Cindy and I do have together is spent on catching up and catching our breathes from work, kids, artwork, and all the daily this n that. And then we're apart again for days on end.
Some of the things we have to put in order: Preparation to sell 2 pieces of real estate in the spring (that's the really big as far as time commitment), deciding on a wedding date and place, deciding on reception venue, guest lists, ATTIRE, and probably a few more that escape me at the moment.
It is going to be very exciting to put this all together. As Cindy and I have grown together, the one thing that we have found is that we are an awesome team. It is such a joy to be with someone who shares the same goals, outlook and work ethic. We truely know how much stronger we are when we are together.

Hey! Where's your thoughtful posts, C2?

(foot tapping) I'm waiting!

More Indy Wedding Stories!

http://nymag.com/news/features/2007/sexandlove/30920/

Weddings As Commodities?

These are great sites! I've always felt a little suspicious of the whole wedding industry. There seems to be more empasis, in our culture, on the pomp and circumstance of the celebration and not on the relationship the wedding is supposed to be celebrating.
Thank god other women feel the same way I do.

And Life Rolls Along

It's been a couple of weeks since I last 'blogged'-There was a shakeup in my office which landed me at another position with a raise! So, that's been great but a ton of work. And then my sister has been having some struggles with her kids, so that's been not so great and a lot of work for her.
Through the ups and downs of life it's wonderful to remember that Charles is always there, always strong, always cheering me on. Thanks, baby!

AARRGGHH

I'm totally stressed out at work. The difference now, though, is that work is not my WHOLE life. It's just part. I actually have a life now-so, I can leave all the work stuff at work.

Baby Steps

Yesterday I asked my best friend of nearly 40 years to be my best man. I don't understand why I would need to narrow my choice of who I want to stand by and witness this wedding by gender. So, my friend and confidante since high school, Bill, will be my best man. And he said yes!
And also, I asked my favorite singer to sing at the wedding. My friend Leslie will be singing "What are you doing the rest of your life?" by Michel Legrand. I'm so thrilled!

Advanced Chemistry

Not wanting to turn this into a mushfest, I just want to say a couple of things about said mush. Life has brought each of us to this space and time for a reason. Had we met at another time, we would not have been ready for each other. It was amazing the rapport we had from our very first phone conversations. I know that chemistry is an overused word, but it is something we both can feel every day. It runs deep, beyond just the surface things. Our morals, manners, world view, politics, right on down to our musical jollies. It all works. And at our advanced ages, we most certainly appreciate this most wonderful curveball that life has tossed our way. Now, anybody got any ideas for a reception hall??

The Best Part

I think the best part about growing older is learning to appreciate what you have. And boy, looking into his eyes, I realize right now I have it all.
I have great kids, great friends, a good job, a supportive family-and now I have a person with whom I can share all of it.

scrapbooking

A good blog has gotta have a visual dialogue to go with the writing. So we'll be reaching into the scrapbook now and then to keep things lively. Here's one from Dec. 05...

eyes and ears

Chuck here:
At this point, I'm just keeping my eyes and ears out for venues and providers of the various goods and services we are going to need (see Cindy's previous post). For instance, this mornings' paper had an ad on page 3 for a dress show that jumped out at me. Since I am the lone newspaper subscriber in this soon to be family, I save it and bring it with me when I see her this afternoon. Example 2: A friend sent me a link yesterday regarding a structure at the University of Minnesota arboretum that pertained to photography. Checking the arboretum website out, I notice that they cater to weddings, and have some very nice spaces available. Now we have another option on our table...
This is going to be so much fun!

A dress?

I stopped by a David's Bridal just to see what I was getting myself into and stayed as long as I could before the waves of nausea started to take over. First of all, the dresses all look like prom dresses and they all are (with very few exceptions) strapless or with tiny spaghetti straps. And I don't think white looks good on anyone.
Ugh.

Yes, we're getting married.

Charles (Chuck to most of you) proposed on our Valentines Day. We've talked about getting married since we met, so to both of us-this is just a natural step in our journey together as a team.
I gave him the impossible task to do an old-fashioned surprise proposal with a ring, but at the same time keep me in the loop as far as timing. And, as usual, he surpassed any and all pre-conceived ideas I may have had about proposals of marriage.