Lulu and I drove to the storage space in NE Mpls yesterday to try to find the boxes with our Christmas gear. We were able to reach two of the three, the third being (of course) on the bottom in the corner under impassable stacks of boxes. Back in February of this year in preparation for house showings and sales, both C2 and I packed up our extras and stripped our houses to the bare bones. The kids helped us transport a U-Haul full of our belongings to a storage space. I remember seeing the Christmas boxes get loaded into the space, and wrestled with the idea that if I mentioned we may need access to it if we don't sell this year, I would jinx our home-selling venture. Well-I shouldn't have worried about jinxing the process. Larger forces are at work jinxing everyone this year.
Which brings me to the things I am both thankful for, and the things that I have yet to understand why I should be thankful.
Thankful-of course, C2. He is my best friend and he makes me laugh and keeps me sane. The other day I used a bit too much olive oil on a piece of chicken I was broiling and black smoke started pouring out of the back of the oven. Flames filled the oven itself-and all I could think about was how hard he worked putting that goddamned white tiled ceiling up (twice) and it would be blackened forever. I called him in a panic-he started telling me how I could fix the chicken so that I could still eat it. Not a word about himself and how the kitchen looked-he was concerned about how I was going to have dinner. That's why I'm thankful and so happy to know C2.
Thankful-my awesome kids. 18 years ago this morning I was dragging Corey along the upper West Side to try to get a glimpse of the parade. He was 7 and I think more amazed and impressed by the thousands of people as opposed to the parade itself. Now he's a wonderful young man-happy and loving with good friends and a kind heart. He is a non-traditional college student-going back after years of being out of school with the intention and drive to accomplish his goals. I am so lucky to know this kid-so lucky to be his mom. Lulu is home with me full time now (Veronica continues on the split custody schedule) and living with her %50 more of the time has made my life so much happier. She's confident and smart, with an extremely dry sense of humor. It hurts, of course, to have to be the only enforcer of rules and dole out the punishment when needed-but it doesn't take much for her to understand the reasoning and to then choose to do the right thing. I love being her mom. Veronica is a dreamer and an artist and is more apt to function on emotional levels than intellectual ones. I see so much of her father reflected in her personality and actions. All I can do is help her to learn to direct some of that energy to productive ends-she needs lots of backrubs and tight hugs to get centered. The full-out tantrums have lessoned over time, but it still feels like she needs more solid grounding if she is to navigate her preteen and teen years successfully. Unfortunately, with her best friends in his neighborhood and a new cat at her dad's house, the chance of her wanting to live with me full-time are slim. So, I do what I can from this end. She is a beautiful girl with lots of talents.
The rest of my family-mom, dad-the brothers and sisters and nieces and nephews-I cherish all of them. It feels good to finally be the stable one after all these years and be able to help or give some emotional support. I'm really lucky to be welcomed into the Avery camp, also-this past summer's trip to Iowa with the kids has prompted C2 and I to include them in the Christmas trip in December. I believe you just can't have enough family around to share your life with and to love your kids. Which leads me to a situation that hurts, still. C2's kids, through a number of unfortunate circumstances, are not part of my life. When C2 and I first started dating, there were attempts to combine the family in outings or movie nights at home, and the results were fair to awkward. And then, on a fateful Father's day in 2007, I laid into Christopher for disrespecting his father. And that, for all practical purposes, was the last time I saw him. A few Saturdays ago C2 planned a huge dinner for me, the girls, his son Jordan, girlfriend Cheri, and the new baby. I have been wanting to see the baby and the girls were very excited, also. We waited for a few hours for Jordan and Cheri but they never showed and never called, and subsequently, never apologized. It makes me really sad, but it's not my place to define C2's relationship with his kids, and I certainly have no right to expect to play a part in his kids' lives. So-we'll see what 2009 brings.
I'm definitely grateful for our new president. The 2008 election actually inspired me to take on a different educational path than what I had originally planned. My emphasis will be on politics, rhetoric, history and popular culture with some media and women's studies thrown in. I am intrigued by the path that an idea takes-from fact to belief or from belief to what some would take for fact, then how it is presented in the media, reflected in popular culture and then becomes a platform upon which whole political or religious campaigns are driven. I am especially fascinated with Thomas Jefferson and his idea of the separation of church and state-especially since he himself was a very spiritual person-he could see the dangers of governing according to religious beliefs. I just finished Martin Luther King's autobiography and I am equally fascinated with how his civil rights movement has paved the way for today's climate of both racial tolerance and intolerance. MLK was not a political leader at all, he was a spiritual leader, but-he based his spirituality and his civil rights movements on intellectual study-not fundamentalism. I believe critical thinking needs to be the basis of any movement. Anyway, can you tell I'm nearing the end of my 12 page proposal that's due Monday? I thought I'd do some writing on here to warm up.
I don't know yet how to be thankful that C2 and I are not where I thought we would be in this whole complicated process of selling both houses and buying a new one together and getting married. I just can't understand why this is happening. I thought we would be in a different place now. I hate the long-distance relationship.
But, compared to the struggles others are facing right now, we have it good. We are both still employed, can still pay our mortgages, are healthy and we have each other. So, the basics are there-we are blessed in so many ways and we are so lucky to have such wonderful families and friends. Life is good, and I'm truly thankful for that.
